Existential Psychology

Patience And Complacency

By  | 

Complacency is the evil twin of patience. The belief that you’re just being patient is the perfect rationalization for the complacent attitude, letting you off the hook from the intellectual, emotional, and physical strain of kicking it into high gear. You can tell yourself you’re working hard enough and that things will eventually come together.

The patient attitude is absolutely essential for your well-being when you’re striving towards your goals but the difference between it and complacency is that you are striving, that your underlying state is one of activity and movement even though your psychic state is one of tranquility and acceptance.

This is sort of the yin and yang of self-actualization, the idea that you can be happy with where you are while simultaneously  trying to get to somewhere else. You can best cultivate patience not by tolerating where you are because you know it’s a necessary step to reach the destination but by appreciating where you are because you know each step in the journey is equally important.

Complacency means that your growth has ceased to be an important factor in your life, patience means that your growth still is an important factor but that you’re not going to let your desire to grow get in the way of your ability to thrive right now as you are. That’s the big difference between the states of complacency and patience and the fastest way for you to tell which one you are currently inhabiting.

Related posts:

  1. Paradox Of Change “When I accept myself as I am, then I can change.” – Carl Rogers Acceptance and change don’t appear to be related entities and in fact seem to be contradictory. Isn’t the desire to change just about any facet of life spurred by dissatisfaction with the current state of affairs? To us the central paradox […]...
  2. Human Growth Is A Continuous Process Most motivated people striving forward in their personal and professional lives make the mistake of constantly discounting their present progress in favor of some not so clearly defined future progress. Where they are is never good enough, it’s always where they’re hoping to get that’s good enough. But if and when they reach that far […]...
  3. Stop Worrying About Where You Should Be And Start Appreciating Where You Are What we see time and time again with people in the process of making important life changes is increasing negative self-talk despite real progress. This is the paradox, that negativity sets in precisely as real movement is occurring. Because any movement forward will involve the confrontation with various internal and external obstacles, obstacles that weren’t […]...
  4. Deficit Psychology Versus Growth Psychology Many Western psychologists perpetuate the same cognitive bias in the therapeutic situation that the general population perpetuates in the wider sphere of life, and this is not only that minimizing the various problems responsible for dysfunction should be the focus of time effort but that upon the minimization of those problems the therapeutic alliance should […]...
  5. Do Not Be Afraid To Make Good Mistakes Existentially speaking we could say that there are two general types of mistakes, which we’ll call bad mistakes and good mistakes. While both lead to failure in the short-term bad mistakes tend to lead to failure in the long-term too whereas good mistakes tend to lead to success in the long-term. Bad mistakes and good […]...
  6. Just Being Honest When some people make a comment and say “I’m just being honest,” if they were really being honest with themselves they would probably have to admit that they are actually just trying to be cruel and have found a plausible rationalization to make themselves feel okay about it. Honesty is worthless when it is used […]...
  7. Growth Versus Stagnation Happy people find themselves in a state of growth. Unhappy people find themselves in a state of stagnation. Growth says “What I am today is not necessarily what I will be tomorrow.” Stagnation says “What I am now is all I will ever be.”  Growth is imbued with hope, with ever-expanding possibilities, while stagnation is […]...
  8. Existential Crisis Is A Good Thing There’s no question that the feelings around existential crises are painful. Nobody enjoys feeling lost and anxious. The state is difficult to bear and it’s understandable to want the whole situation to pass as quickly as possible in order to get back to the business of everyday life. But an existential crisis is a good […]...
  9. Patience Patience is not always a virtue. Apathy, despair, or laziness can easily masquerade as patience and it can give people a ready-made excuse to not try their hardest or go after their dreams while they have the chance. They become complacent or let other entities take advantage of them. Mindful patience is a virtue. This […]...
  10. Self-Actualization, Growth, Change, And Grief Self-actualization, growth, change, and grief don’t exist in vacuums. They are interdependent, each needs the other or is an outcome of the other. This is because each moment of becoming is a moment of change. And as we become who we really are we have to let go of who we were. A lot of […]...
  11. Fulfillment Can Be Found At Every Moment Of Growth The other day in yoga our teacher demoed a posture called compass pose, and like most of the postures there were various levels of complexity that could be reached based on skill level, so that all the students trying it fell somewhere along the continuum, from the bare bones basics to full extension. The thought […]...
  12. Patience And Impatience Impatience is unpleasant. It’s that fidgety frustration, that chomping at the bit where you’re ready to go but for whatever reason the gates haven’t opened up yet and there’s little you can do about it. But a state of readiness is important when you’re trying to accomplish something, you have to be looking forward to […]...
  13. Garden We said that peace, rather than being a passive state, is the most active of states. But what does this really mean? When we think of peace we usually think of tranquility, quiet, gentle movements, and calm. On the surface peace seems to be a passive state. Consider a lush garden, filled with blooming flowers […]...
  14. Spark Many who have become emotionally numb because of trauma, abuse, depression, grief, or any other reason worry that they have irrevocably lost the ability to feel deeply. Some have been numb for so long that the state has become their version of normal. It’s kind of like looking back on your distant past. You know […]...
  15. Striving Forward While Appreciating Where You Are The process of self-actualization seems to clash with mindfulness since self-actualization implies a striving forward, an orientation towards the future, a constant becoming, whereas mindfulness stresses full involvement with the present moment as it is. The way to rectify these two points of view is to understand self-actualization as a duality where every moment is […]...
  16. Complacency When you’re just starting out at an endeavor you don’t feel complacent, you feel motivated. You have what Thich Nhat Hanh calls beginner’s mind. You’re not afraid to make mistakes or look foolish in front of others, in part because you’re so excited about trying something new and in part because you’re not yet really […]...
  17. When To Give Up When should you throw in the towel and give up? The short answer is never. I’m reminded of the start of the movie ‘Gladiator’ where Quintus says “People should know when they’re conquered” and Maximus replies “Would you Quintus? Would I?” Refusing to surrender means you still have that internal striving and it means you […]...
  18. Hope “There is no sense in hoping for that which already exists or for that which cannot be. Those whose hope is weak settle down for comfort or for violence; those whose hope is strong see and cherish all signs of new life and are ready every moment to help the birth of that which is […]...
  19. Comparison You can’t miss what you’ve never known. I was thinking about this idea in the visceral context of yoga. After practicing for a while most people become more aware of their bodies and start to notice right away when they feel tightness or pain. They will remedy the situation by stretching and by conscientiously protecting […]...
  20. Good Things Take Time Do you remember the days of the dial up modem connection? You would sit there waiting minutes for a single picture to load and it was excruciating, but everyone accepted the situation because that was our reality. These days if an entire page doesn’t load in just a few seconds, feelings of irritation bubble to […]...
Related Items