Abuse

What To Do If You Are Always Walking On Eggshells Around Someone

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Unhealthy Relationships

If you are always walking on eggshells around someone we can definitely define the relationship as unhealthy in its current form. Assigning responsibility is not as clearcut as it may seem at first blush though.

The Paradox of Inner Blockages

This is because of the strange but true paradox that many of us who consciously blame the other for the dysfunctional state of the relationship are in actuality dealing with our own inner blockages where for whatever reason we can’t or won’t communicate our true thoughts and feelings. But we repress this fact and project the responsibility onto the other, unbeknownst to this person. We start to harbor resentment and anger without them even knowing we’re harboring resentment and anger. We expect them to read our minds, to somehow be aware of our true feelings and somehow be aware of what they’re doing wrong even though we’ve never clearly told them.

Sometimes it Really is an External Problem

Conversely many of us who consciously blame ourselves for the dysfunctional state of the relationship are in actuality dealing with sadistic abuse where over time we’ve come to take on all the responsibility due to the insidious process of the other instilling doubt in order to maintain control. We start feeling like it’s all our fault, like we can’t do anything right, like we’re constantly letting the other down, when the truth of the matter is that the other is intentionally making us feel this way in order to keep us under control. 

Walking on Eggshells Means Something Needs to Change

At any rate what to do if you are always walking on eggshells around someone is to consciously realize that the relationship is not healthy in its current form and needs to change. As a general rule of thumb if you place most or all of the blame on yourself for the dysfunctional state of affairs you need to start researching the psychology of abuse and if you place most or all of the blame on the other for the dysfunctional state of affairs you need to start researching the psychology of repression and projection.

Whether a relationship is healthy or unhealthy, it takes two to tango. There’s shared responsibility both for the state of the relationship as it currently stands and for any required changes. But one thing is for sure. In healthy relationships both people feel more or less free to communicate their authentic thoughts and feelings, even if these thoughts and feelings are felt to be dangerous or threatening. If one or both of you can’t do that, if you’re walking around on eggshells, then the relationship isn’t healthy in its current form and needs to change.

Greetings I'm Michael, the owner of Evolution Counseling and the author of all the articles on this site. I got my master's degree from Seattle University in community mental heath counseling and have committed myself to advancing my knowledge of psychology and to evolving my own philosophical system ever since. In addition to the content on this site I offer online coaching using Skype. If you'd like to learn more about it click on the online coaching tab or if you think you'd like to set up a session send me an email at evolve@evolutioncounseling.com.

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