Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Making Connections And Perception

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An open, friendly attitude is usually pretty easy to cultivate for people when they’re within their comfort zone. A big part of this comfort zone is already having good friends and acquaintances when they meet new people. There’s a certain sense of power, of feeling bigger, that comes from knowing in the back of your mind that you’re already set up within a social group.

But say you move to a new city where you don’t really know anyone. That same open attitude that was so easy to cultivate before is likely to get replaced with uncertainty, with a more dour outlook on your situation as a whole, and your actions will follow suit. You’ll be hesitant where before you were outgoing, you might not make the same sort of eye contact, you’ll probably lack confidence, and this will obviously influence your ability to make any new connections, creating a vicious cycle.

It’s really all about perception. A preexisting social group often provides that psychological and emotional boost, but it’s still you going out there on the scene with a confident and open attitude, and there’s no reason you can’t cultivate that same attitude even if you do find yourself in a new place without a lot of social support.

The difference is that you might have to be a little more mindful, recognizing your perception in the moment to override the hesitancy and negativity, deciding you’re going to be a friendly, confident, outgoing person regardless of external circumstances. Don’t worry about rejection, if you play the numbers game the law of averages says lots of people are going to take you up on your offers to meet up again and you’ll quickly forget about those who don’t.

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