Psychoanalysis

Putting People On A Pedestal

By  | 

When we put people on a pedestal we expect the impossible from them, we expect them to be more than human. The result is that sooner or later they let us down, they show their human flaws and foibles, and although we’re inclined to blame them for this letdown we have no one to blame but ourselves.

At its most fundamental the psychological motivation for putting people on a pedestal is to feel godlike by association. For whatever reason, some don’t feel that they are capable of transcending their own creatureliness by themselves. Yet they still yearn for something higher. They feel that ability to transcend through creative activity stirring deep down inside of them but they’re discomfited by it and what it might mean, so they project it onto others. If you don’t feel that you are capable of transcendence the next best thing is to latch on to the power of someone who is.

Like so many human relationships then it comes down to masochism in the psychoanalytic sense of the word. It’s trying to expand Self through merging with another human being. Everyone is both creaturely and godlike though, it’s the human condition. Putting people on a pedestal is artificially splitting these two attributes up, making those on the pedestal fully godlike, without human flaws. It’s a plan that only works for a short time because everyone has flaws, everyone is human, and the end result is disappointment in someone for not living up to expectations, a disappoint that is unjust. Those expectations were never possible to live up to. Better to actualize those godlike qualities while remaining human than to expect the impossible from someone else.

Related posts:

  1. Conflict Situations With Combative People It’s a little bit of a chicken and egg question to determine whether conflict situations cause people to become combative or combative people cause conflict situations. But we can say with psychoanalytic certainty that there is a characterological type prone to hostile aggression, to thinking of relationships as adversarial, to seeing the world as a […]...
  2. Psychology of Resentment Projecting Responsibility for Unhappiness When we’re feeling resentful the typical response is to point that resentment towards the person who we believe has wronged us. This person becomes responsible for the unwanted state of our psyches and for making things better. But in the vast majority of cases, particularly when resentment has built up over […]...
  3. Helping People Change Maladaptive Behaviors The same rules apply for helping people change in therapy as in the wider sphere of life. Probably the most fundamental, inalterable rule is that no one changes in a lasting way unless they decide they really want to, unless they decide it’s in their own best interests and the best interests of those around them […]...
  4. Unaddressed Relationship Conflict and Confronting Anxiety The Unsafe Problem Lurking Underneath In many close relationships the real conflict isn’t vocalized but simmers below the surface. We often like to think of vocalized conflict as the main problem to be solved but often that which people feel free to gripe about is actually a safe stand in for what they feel unfree […]...
  5. People Have More Freedom Than They Believe Most people who feel trapped in their lives and relationships have a lot more freedom than they believe. The psychological problem is that in order to exercise that freedom they must first take responsibility for their situations. While remaining dependent upon various sources of authority saps personal freedom it also reduces painful existential anxiety. When […]...
  6. Helping People Move Through Conflict The critical mistake most of us make when people experiencing life conflicts come to us for help is that we think what they want is our advice. Of course they often think what they want is our advice too. But more often than not our supposedly well-intentioned advice is actually a cover for the chance […]...
  7. Putting Off Making A Decision Rationalizations block human growth because they let us off the hook from seeing the truth; they are the more desirable alternative explanation that, while seeming to protect us psychologically and emotionally, end up causing us more damage because our lives become fraudulent. In the context of important life decisions, an effective rationalization that many people […]...
  8. Putting Off Making An Important Decision If you’ve been putting off making an important decision the culprit is death anxiety. While death anxiety has its root in the threat of the obliteration of our biological organisms we humans experience death anxiety in its symbolic forms too, where it’s not anything technically ‘alive’ on the chopping block but the same existential dread […]...
  9. When People Have A Falling Out Whether it’s nation states going to actual war with one another or individuals going to symbolic war with one another the psychology is the same in that each side views its own cause as good, just, fair, righteous, a shining example of morality, while viewing the other side as contemptuous, immoral, rotten, even evil. We’re […]...
  10. Understanding People With Constant Relationship Conflict Periods of Peace and Calm Are the Exception We all know people whose lives and relationships are defined by conflict. They’re often fighting battles on multiple fronts, always upset with and hostile towards somebody. For these individuals periods of peace and calm are not the norm but the exception, they’re brief interludes between the storms. […]...
  11. People Who Never Apologize People who never apologize are most likely to fall into a world orientation called moving against. These people learn at an early age that the best way for them to get their psychological, emotional, and physical needs met is through the route of domination, the route of control, the route of striking first, the route […]...
  12. Understanding People Who Refuse To Ask For Help Business As Usual We all know those people who are clearly in need of help yet obstinately refuse to seek or accept it. This ranges from being highly skeptical of the efficacy of therapy to refusing to listen to the points of view of friends and loved ones.  Despite the psychic conflict, despite the emotional […]...
  13. Help For People Pleasers On the surface people pleasers seem laid back, amiable, and happy to go with the flow. But underneath, in the private world of their psyches, a storm rages. What they really feel is hostile and resentful. They feel pushed around and bullied. They feel angry at others for taking advantage of them. And they feel drained, drained […]...
  14. Helping People Be Happy When we try to help the people we care about achieve happiness and fulfillment in their lives one of the biggest challenges we face is overcoming our own narcissism. Consciously we may tell ourselves that our words and actions are in the best interests of the other but unconsciously these words and actions are actually […]...
  15. Blaming Other People Blaming other people is a defense mechanism we have all employed to try to diminish the role we played in the creation and maintenance of our problems. By shifting the responsibility to someone else we get some psychic relief because we find a target for those negative emotions roiling and broiling within us. This strategy […]...
  16. Narcissism Of Business People It can be hard to understand how many of the business people who represent large corporations could value profits over human lives and the sustainability of our planet, how they could continue to rob, cheat, lie, and price gouge in the face of the clear suffering of those who desperately need access to the products […]...
  17. People Do Change It’s impossible to be someone you’re not but it is possible to become who you really are. Those who are absolutely certain that people don’t change are projecting; what they mean is that they themselves haven’t changed, even if they desperately wanted to. From their own subjective viewpoint it’s obvious that the same holds true […]...
  18. People Who Really Want To Change The World Many who consciously believe they want to change the world are unconsciously narcissists who are really only interested in having their narcissism, their delusions of grandeur, confirmed and glorified. So the first and most important difference between people who really want to change the world and narcissists who believe they want to change the world […]...
  19. Critical People There is no great psychological mystery around critical people. They feel bad about themselves and their lives. Their critical attitude is a projection, a way to try to make others feel bad about themselves too in order to transfer some of that built up unpleasant psychic pressure. The reason this strategy works is that there […]...
  20. Some People Like Being Angry The evolutionary purpose of anger is to make us aware that our interests are being trampled upon while giving us the energy and motivation to make things right. Anger is fiery, it winds us up like a spring, it primes us to act. And when we do act we feel powerful, righteously indignant, like avenging […]...
Related Items