Couples

Romantic Relationship As A Campfire

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First you need the spark, then the whole thing flares up. It appears to be a solid fire but it will quickly die out if you don’t add the nutriments it really needs. If you’re attentive you’ll get a really good fire going, those hot embers will start to glow. Then it’s just a matter of continually adding the fuel the campfire needs to stay alive.

The mistake most people make in their romantic relationships is believing that the initial flare up is the real thing, and that it’s sustainable. It’s that period of infatuation, the very early part where everything is bright and brilliant and effortless and perfect.

But just like a fire a relationship will die out without the proper attention, without the necessary logs and the embers underneath. We’ll call the embers love, which we define as an active concern towards the other. If you have that you still have a chance, even if you’ve lost much of the fuel that used to make your relationship burn.

We’ll call the logs things like trust, loyalty, spontaneity, commitment, respect, patience, kindness, physical connection, curiosity, insert whatever else you find important [here] . Without these things the fire has no fuel source and those flames will disappear.

A romantic relationship won’t just keep burning all on its own, it’s got to be carefully nourished. To yearn after the days of that initial flare up where not much effort was needed is wishful thinking. With the proper attention the fire will burn strong, without the proper attention it will sputter and eventually die out.

Greetings I'm Michael, the owner of Evolution Counseling and the author of all the articles on this site. I got my master's degree from Seattle University in community mental heath counseling and have committed myself to advancing my knowledge of psychology and to evolving my own philosophical system ever since. In addition to the content on this site I offer online coaching using Skype. If you'd like to learn more about it click on the online coaching tab or if you think you'd like to set up a session send me an email at evolve@evolutioncounseling.com.

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