Couples

Falling Out Of Infatuation

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So many couples attribute their problems to ‘falling out of love’ when what really happened was ‘falling out of infatuation’. They operate under the false assumption that infatuation is one and the same thing as love and that the state is sustainable. They become disillusioned when those pleasant feelings wear off. And they blame their partners for it!

The truth is that if you’re living in the honeymoon period of your relationship you’re living on borrowed time. It’s a great place to be but sooner or later those pleasant coupling chemicals are going to wear off and what you’re going to be left with is the real, flawed human being who is by no means perfect, just like you. This person is not the solution to all your problems, doesn’t complete you, can’t fulfill all your wants and needs, won’t make your life perfect. Those hidden expectations say more about you and your own psychology than they do about your partner.

When couples inevitably get to the point where infatuation wears off and reality sets in they’re faced with a choice. A choice to start doing the hard work of building a relationship together based upon solid foundations of authentic love or to break up and go find new people to leech off of in order to bring those wanted infatuation chemicals back into the mix.

If you’re at that point where you’re trying to decide if you should stay or if you should go it’s definitely worth delineating love from infatuation rather than continuing to operate under the false assumption that how you felt at the very beginning of your relationship is how you should be feeling now and that the state was called love. Love is an intention, it’s an orientation, it’s a consciously chosen way of being that must be cultivated, that must be worked at. Infatuation comes easy, it’s something we do just get to ‘fall into’ without any intention or work. Yes it’s really pleasant, but it’s not sustainable, and it’s definitely not love.

Greetings I'm Michael, the owner of Evolution Counseling and the author of all the articles on this site. I got my master's degree from Seattle University in community mental heath counseling and have committed myself to advancing my knowledge of psychology and my own theoretical system ever since. The content here represents my personal evolution of thought. I've also become a big fan of photography and I take all the pictures you'll see at the top of articles. We don't advertise to get traffic so this site's increasing popularity is grassroots, it's based on you and people like you deciding for yourselves that these articles are a good source for psychological insight and that they're worth sharing with others.