Couples

How To Improve Your Romantic Relationship

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When people are feeling good about their partners sayings and doing relationship-affirming things comes naturally and effortlessly to them. But when they’re feeling bad about their partners these relationship-affirming behaviors disappear, to be replaced by relationship-eroding words and actions.

The paradox is that the relationship doesn’t really need relationship-affirming words and actions when things are going well but it’s in dire need of relationship-affirming words and actions when things are going badly. It’s kind of like refusing to water a plant at the exact time when it’s starting to wither and die. It doesn’t make any sense but people don’t make any sense.

They’re ruled by their emotions much more than they would like to believe. They simply rationalize what they say and do after the fact in order to try to give these actions some sort of logical basis where in actuality logic had nothing to do with it. When people are feeling positive they say and do positive things and when they’re feeling negative they say and do negative things, simple as that.

If you want to improve your romantic relationship keep those relationship-affirming behaviors coming when you’re feeling good about your partner but also take special care to recognize the negative feelings in yourself when you’re feeling bad about your partner and override the compulsion to turn these negative feelings into relationship-eroding behaviors. Think of your relationship as a plant and remember that if it’s starting to dry out then now is the exact time to water it.

Greetings I'm Michael, the owner of Evolution Counseling and the author of all the articles on this site. I got my master's degree from Seattle University in community mental heath counseling and have committed myself to advancing my knowledge of psychology and to evolving my own philosophical system ever since. In addition to the content on this site I offer online coaching using Skype. If you'd like to learn more about it click on the online coaching tab or if you think you'd like to set up a session send me an email at evolve@evolutioncounseling.com.

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