Jealousy in Romantic Relationships

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Jealousy is a problem in romantic relationships mainly because of what it implies, which is that your partner is an object to be possessed and controlled. Really the whole reason for jealousy is that you’re worried you are going to lose your loved one, which means you think you have this person right now. You can only have or lose a possession.

Is it any wonder that jealousy ends up wreaking havoc in relationships, often leading to the very outcome that those who betray their jealousy fear the most? When we start to feel controlled and constricted, it’s natural to push back against these impositions, searching for greater amounts of expansion.

You want your partner to unconsciously associate you with lightness, comfort, and freedom, not with control. The jealous attitude is the first step down the path of abuse, where instilling doubt in order to maintain control is the primary motivation behind exchanges. Jealousy is not abuse though, and your best move is to nip it in the bud by recognizing when it shows up and reminding yourself you don’t want to treat someone you love as if they were a possession.

If your partner is going to leave you no amount of jealous behavior can stop it from happening, and like we said the paradox is that your jealous actions will probably make leaving you more likely to happen. When we feel supported, encouraged to grow, light, and free we don’t experience that pull to search for something different because the relationship is already giving us everything we need.

Greetings I'm Michael, the owner of Evolution Counseling and the author of all the articles on this site. I got my master's degree from Seattle University in community mental heath counseling and have committed myself to advancing my knowledge of psychology and to evolving my own philosophical system ever since. In addition to the content on this site I offer online coaching using Skype. If you'd like to learn more about it click on the online coaching tab or if you think you'd like to set up a session send me an email at

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