Couples

Waiting For The One

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“I’m waiting for someone to sweep me off my feet.” You hear so many variations of this sentiment. It’s a deeply embedded belief that happiness and fulfillment are waiting out there in the form of the perfect person who will come along and satisfy every emotional, spiritual, and physical need, creating the happily ever after scenario.

This receptive orientation is bolstered by our consumer economy and our most popular form of entertainment. You get to feel an elevated sense of importance, deciding amongst all the various brands jostling to sell you their products. We want to be entertained without really having to do anything or put in any effort. I saw a frightening statistic that says the average American watches around 34 hours of television a week. I think a major reason for this outrageous number is the psychological reality that you don’t have to be actively engaged to be entertained. You just get to sit back and let the images flow into your head.

Our economy and our most time intensive diversion both make you the center of attention and work very hard for your approval, so why wouldn’t you have this mentality when it comes to romantic partners?

There is nothing wrong with being picky, your choice of mate is probably the most important decision you’ll ever make, and of course there are people who are more suited for one another, as well as those who should be avoided like the plague. The problem with the receptive mentality as an underlying attitude is that it’s really just a veiled form of masochism. When you hope to have your needs met by an entity outside yourself what ends up happening is that you lose yourself. You’re compelled to merge with this presence. Without it you would lose all of the vitally important aspects it offers.

Instead of waiting for the right person, consider what you need to do to be the right person. What are the qualities you are looking for, and is it possible to develop these qualities in yourself? When you can enter into a relationship with the feeling that you are self-actualized, you move from the receptive attitude to the active attitude, where instead of using the other just to feel complete you can build something bigger together without losing yourselves.

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