Abuse Is An Around The Clock Problem For Victims

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1. Abusive Relationships For those who have never been caught up in an abusive relationship it seems insane that so many victims allow the abusive situation to continue on indefinitely, but what these perplexed people don’t understand is that many abusers are master manipulators, they’re skilled at instilling doubt, in turning the tables, in making their victims question […]...
2. Abusers Need Help Too Most of us find it irresistible to vilify those we believe have done us or others wrong and the way we treat abusers is no exception. We’re talking about something quite different here from holding people responsible for their actions. What we’re talking about is a psychological process whereby we rob people of their humanity […]...
3. Working With Abusers The tendency is to villainize abusers but trying to get them to accept the role of villain is a terrible idea. They won’t play ball, even if they seem receptive. What they will do is actively or passively thwart every therapeutic attempt. This is because at the conscious level abusers don’t believe they’re villains, they […]...
4. Reconciling Past Instances Of Abuse When children are subjected to sustained physical, emotional, or psychological abuse at the hands of primary caregivers they usually develop feelings of worthlessness and unlovability. They come to believe there must be something wrong with them as people. It’s not at all surprising that self-doubt would develop since abuse in all its forms is about […]...
5. Being Made To Feel Worthless There are lots of signs that point to an abusive relationship. The one we want to talk about here is not as visible but probably the most indicative. It’s being made to feel worthless. Consciously or unconsciously, that sense of worthlessness is what abusers are always trying to instill in their victims. We say consciously […]...
6. Sadists Need Their Victims And Would Feel Like Nothing Without Them Supposedly ‘Worthless’ Victims Hold Great Significance The number one fallacy taken as fact in the minds of victims of sadistic abuse is that they’re disposable to their abusers, that they don’t hold any special significance, that they’re more or less worthless afterthoughts. This shouldn’t be surprising since the content of sadistic abuse is usually rife […]...
7. Abusers Try To Shift The Blame To Become The ‘Victims’ Being subjected to abusive behavior is a painful, confusing experience for many reasons. The reason we want to talk about here has to do with a psychological trick most abusers pull where they try to shift the blame for the abusive situation onto their victims and simultaneously paint themselves as the true victims who are […]...
8. Why Abusers Isolate Their Victims Over the weeks, months, and years victims of domestic abuse tend to see most of their important relationships fall by the wayside. They become increasingly isolated from friends and family until one day, seemingly out of the blue, they find themselves on an island with few if any close human connections outside of their immediate […]...
9. Silence As A Form Of Abuse We have often written that although most people think of abuse in terms of violent words or actions abuse actually comes in many shapes and sizes. Its external packaging is less important than its internal intent, which is to instill doubt in order to maintain control. If the purpose of a behavior is to instill […]...
10. Friendly Abuse When we remember that at its root abuse is about control, about instilling doubt in order to maintain that control, we aren’t fooled by appearances and are able to categorize words and deeds as abusive that don’t necessarily seem abusive on the surface. Abuse doesn’t always come in the package of physical, verbal, or emotional […]...
11. Art of Abuse An abuser is an expert in the art of emotional abuse. He or she has learned through various relationships and social situations how to find a grain of truth and exploit it, how to point out supposed flaws for the purpose of control, and how to keep a victim in a perpetual state of self-doubt. […]...
12. Disinterest As Abuse We usually think of abuse in the active sense, as emotional, psychological, or physical damage that is easy to see in forms like mean words or violence. But as we’ve written elsewhere, abuse comes in many shapes and sizes. It doesn’t necessarily need to be obvious or active to exert a profound negative influence on self-concept, […]...
13. The Veiled Language Of Abuse Embedded Message of Unworthiness and Unlovability Whatever visible form abuse may take, the embedded message which sooner or later takes hold deep within the psyche of the victim is one of unworthiness and unlovability. This is the veiled language of abuse, it’s what the abuser is really communicating through that constellation of abusive behavior. After […]...
14. Love or Abuse “You can fool some people sometimes but you can’t fool all the people all the time” -Bob Marley How can you be sure that you are being emotionally abused? The answer is that you can’t. It’s a subjective experience based on how you interpret the outward behavior and language of another person. And this interpretation […]...
15. Domestic Violence and Abuse When we define abuse as instilling self-doubt in order to maintain control we have a flexible system of categorization that lets us better see the internal motivations of people committing acts. We move away from the Aristotelian logic that is so prevalent in our culture yet often limits the scope of our understanding. We talked […]...
16. Abuse And ‘Us Against The World’ A common predicament victims in abusive relationships face is increasing isolation from friends and family members. Abusers find it easier to accomplish their agendas when their victims’ trusted confidants are nowhere to be found and therefore unable to suggest alternate narratives that could cast doubt upon the manipulative narrative gaining traction, a manipulative narrative where […]...
17. Breaking the Cycle of Abuse We tend to paint people who abuse as the villains of the story, and this has to do with living in an individualistic society where we believe that each of us is responsible for our own actions. While this is ultimately true, it’s equally true that our thoughts and actions are a product of an […]...
18. Abuse and Isolation One of the ways to figure out if you are in an abusive relationship is to consider whether you have come to feel isolated from friends, acquaintances, and the outside world in general. This is a tricky one in romantic relationships because people, especially when they first couple up, want to spend all their time […]...
19. Abuse Is An Unresolvable Dilemma The heart of what makes abuse so painful is the psychological and emotional toll it takes on the victim due to being constantly confronted with an unresolvable dilemma. This is because the whole purpose of abuse is to maintain control, so ostensibly if control of mind, body, and soul are ceded then the abuse stops. […]...
20. Abuse Checklist The longer people stay in abusive relationships the harder it gets for them to tell whether or not these relationships are abusive. The main reason why is that abuse, in all its myriad forms, always has the same goal which is to instill self-doubt in order to maintain control. The self-doubt part of the sentence […]...