Abuse

Self-Sabotage

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Self-sabotage as a pattern of behavior can only be explained as the result of the deep down feeling, regardless of what you consciously tell yourself, that you don’t deserve good things in life.

We’re not saying that you like being miserable. Just like everybody else you want to be happy, you want to be surrounded will the variables that will make you happy. But the difference is that when good things come along a deep seated sense of discomfort is likely to arise, a silent alarm with the clearly stated warning that these good things aren’t for you. Conversely, those who think they deserve good things greedily drink them in when they come along, they bask in the glow of that desired set of circumstances.

Although there are obviously exceptions to every rule, we can say that in most cases the deep down belief in being either deserving or undeserving of good things in life has everything to do with the early relationship with primary caregivers, with whether this relationship was characterized by love and attention or disinterest and abuse. We live up to expectations and we live down to them too, we believe we’re deserving when the important authority figures in our lives instill this belief in us from an early age and likewise we believe we’re undeserving when the important authority figures in our lives instill this belief in us from an early age.

Therefore the single most important revelation for you if self-sabotage is a pattern of behavior is that the feeling of being unworthy, of being undeserving of good things, was likely instilled in you by abusive persons and as such is not in any way indicative of your true worthiness or unworthiness for these good things. This is because abuse doesn’t say much about the victim but says everything about the abuser. Primary caregivers are primed to be loving and attentive or primed to be disinterested and abusive and this is their psychology, their mode of being and relating with the world. All you need to do to verify this fact is observe expectant parents. They already feel a certain way about their children and haven’t even met them yet.

By reverting to self-sabotage you’re continuing on with a pattern of abuse only now it’s you abusing yourself. But if your behavior is loving, if you’re striving towards growth and positivity in your life, if you seek to do no harm and to reduce the suffering of others when possible, if you’re doing the very best you can, then you do deserve good things in life. Don’t let anyone, and especially don’t let yourself, tell you any different.

Greetings I'm Michael, the owner of Evolution Counseling and the author of all the articles on this site. I got my master's degree from Seattle University in community mental heath counseling and have committed myself to advancing my knowledge of psychology and to evolving my own philosophical system ever since. In addition to the content on this site I offer online coaching using Skype. If you'd like to learn more about it click on the online coaching tab or if you think you'd like to set up a session send me an email at evolve@evolutioncounseling.com.

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