American Neurosis

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If you gain weight you’re fat and if you lose weight you’re anorexic. If you workout you’re a meathead and if you don’t you’re a wimp. If you hook up on the first date you’re a slut and if you hold back you’re a prude. If you make the first move you’re too aggressive and if you do nothing you’re a coward. If you experiment with drugs or alcohol you’re an addict and if you refuse you’re a narc. If you make too much eye contact you are creepy and overbearing and if you don’t make enough eye contact you are creepy and shy. If you laugh too much you are obnoxious and if you laugh too little you are antisocial. If you choose work over family you’re an insensitive asshole who only cares about money or advancement and if you choose family over work you’re an overly sensitive loser who doesn’t contribute to society. If you keep your house too clean you have OCD and if you keep it too dirty you’re a slob. If you’re quiet at a social gathering you’re not any fun and if you’re loud you are obnoxious. If you care about your appearance you’re a narcissist and if you don’t care about it you’re an ugly weirdo. If you cry you are overly emotional and if you don’t cry you are dead inside. If your handshake is too firm you’re a brute and if your handshake is too soft you’re effeminate. If you care about learning you’re a nerd and if you don’t you are unmotivated. If you’re easygoing you should stand up for yourself more and if you stand up for yourself too much you should be more easygoing. If you dress too nice you’re a pretentious dick and if you don’t dress nicely enough you’re a slovenly bum. If you discipline your children you’re an authoritarian tyrant and if you don’t discipline your children you’re an uncaring pushover. If you are concerned with your growth you’re selfish and if you’re concerned with the growth of others you need to mind your own business. If you work too much you’re a workaholic and if you don’t work enough you’re lazy. If you expose a truth you’re a traitor and if you keep it secret you’re a manipulator. This is American Neurosis. – See more at: