Abuse

Like Yourself

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If you have ever been a victim of abuse then you have probably been made to feel worthless or deficient. Your abuser probably told you on numerous occasions that they didn’t like who you are. Not just some aspect of your personality, but you as a person. It’s easy to believe, to feel rotten, and to spend your precious time and energy seeking approval that is never going to come.

The reason approval is never going to come is because as hard as it is to believe, the abuse is not really about you. When people take themselves out of abusive situations the abuser feels compelled to find a new object and someone else comes under fire. What is really going on is projection. All of these thoughts you have been made to think about yourself and emotions you have been made to feel about yourself don’t belong to you, but you have become a receptacle for them. Abusers secretly feel rotten, weak, and deficient and unconsciously they’ve got to get rid of these painful feelings.

Instead of constantly seeking approval and desperately wanting your abuser to like you or validate your existence, be okay with them not liking you. What these people really don’t like is themselves. Decide on growth and self-actualization, developing your own Self instead of compensating for your supposed deficiencies. Follow your own compass and realize that you are the only one who truly has the power to define who you are.

Greetings I'm Michael, the owner of Evolution Counseling and the author of all the articles on this site. I got my master's degree from Seattle University in community mental heath counseling and have committed myself to advancing my knowledge of psychology and to evolving my own philosophical system ever since. In addition to the content on this site I offer online coaching using Skype. If you'd like to learn more about it click on the online coaching tab or if you think you'd like to set up a session send me an email at evolve@evolutioncounseling.com.

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